A part of life

Is this what a heartbreak feels? 

It sucks soooo much…..

 I thought i was getting better…. But I’m only getting worse… my mind is telling me that once I decide to go through with it I will be successful…. 

It doesn’t matter

 Sometimes I wonder 

Does it really matter? 

What’s the point of holding on? 

Nothing ever goes right, I’m no longer passionate about life everything just irritates and makes me sad. 

Lately I feel like it’s okay to let go. Life isn’t meant for me, I’m just a shell looking out into the world. Nothing matters anymore…..

Doesn't matter

 These days  I've been coming to terms to who I am. I am just an individual who doesnt know how to function in life and that's okay. Honestly it doesnt matter. I am no one. And I dont mean that in a negative way  I genuinely feel this way. I am not important and it doesnt matter how my future unfolds. Of course I still care about those around me but I no longer care what happens to me. Like not to be a dream killer, but we all die eventually. I'm going to die either tommorrow, next week , in couple of months or even years from now. I dint find myself having any goals to chase in life. I just want to live in the moment, do whatever I feel like and be whoever I want. I will always have issues and that's okay.

It continues

 This emptiness hurts. Theirs a darkness inside that eats me alive. I dont know how to stop it, I only managed to prolong it. I'm not quite sure how much longer and how much would be left of me. 

Make it stop

 I cant take it.

Something inside of me is broken 

There are moments when I think I'm fine only to figure out that I'm lying to myself

I cant stop crying 

I feel this endless pain

I wish it were physical so I could just slap a bandage and watch it heal

But this pain is invisible and rooted deep inside me. It is a part of me, a disease of sorts that has continued to grow throughout the years. 

It hasnt gotten better, only worse. 

How much longer will I live like this? 

How much longer can I take this? 

Can I please just let go....

Heartbreak

 Why does my heart feel like its breaking? 

I always assumed that one goes through it when their in a relationship of some kind. Yet as I lay here empty with silent tears,  I feel something inside of me breaking into pieces. I want to throw up, but I cant move. This feeling isnt physical painful, yet it still hurts. 

My chest wants to seize my every breath as my hearts shatters into millions of pieces. My mind feels like its going insane yet my body is paralyzed. 

The only thoughts in my head are about releasing this pain with a more physical one. I know I shouldnt but I feel like I need to...