Not a worthy friend...

My friends grandpa died last Thursday, I didn't find out till Saturday because that's when I finally txt him back about a book he lend me. And ever since he told me I haven't really talked to him as much or asked how's he's doing. He told me his family was getting together for a week to honor his grandfather, so I understand that right now he's busy and can't talk as much. Although when he does reply, I don't know what to say. From his texts he doesn't seem as upset but yet again texts are usually not concrete forms of evidence on how a person feels. I've been meaning to ask him if he truly is okay but I don't know how to bring it up. Honestly I don't know what I should do. I feel like I should be more focused about this rather than enjoying my books or other current pleasures of mine. I feel like such a bad friend for not being their for him...this sucks...I suck..

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I always feel lonely

Just had another breakdown...I guess the emptiness of the house got to me...

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Unanswered plea

School is getting nearer...it's freaking me out. I wish I didn't have to go back, I wish I could stay here. I don't mind being locked in my room or not going anywhere--yeah it can become depressing but I rather be depressed here then over there. At least here I have familiar faces but over there I don't. I just have my sister and sometimes it's just isn't enough... please don't make me go back...

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Late night noise

I keep hearing this helpless dog noise and it freaked me out because it sounded so close. I was afraid it could be my dogs. I tried to ignore it but this feeling of dread I had wouldn't leave me alone. So I got up and checked and luckily my dogs were okay...but even so I felt a little nauseated afterwards thinking about it...

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I cry over everything

So bro came over and helped me take the dogs a shower (which also turned to a water war bt us). And later on I decided to take pixie for a walk, knowing that bro would tag along...but in the end it was too hot outside and bro decided to leave. And I decided to go cry in my room. I tried not to but knowing that I have no one who would want to just take a walk around my block later or just chill outside freaking sucks. It makes me cry... how stupid of me.

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:)

Today I got a sudden txt from my friend saying if I wanted to hangout on Wed. It made me sooooo happy. Like you don't know how much. I don't get many texts like these (none really), so just this one made me almost cry for joy. It makes me feel like I actually matter in this life...

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