I've been drinking more often now, thisnisnt good. Last time this happened I started breaking down and telling myself to kill myself. My evil thoughts surfaced and tried to take over. I held the bottle in one hand and the blade in the other, trying to convince myself that it was fir the best .
I told myself I woulnt go back to that time, but ever since I graduated from school, reality has been horrible I cant no longer distract myself.
The one thing I enjoyed, art, has no longer filled me with joy. I have no inspiration. All I want to do is drink so much that I can finally have the guts to hurt myself. Because I know sober me wont do it. I want to self sabatoge to the point where I finally finish what I started.... I'm scared of myself rig ht now.
Tomm I actually have a phone call appt with a doctor to discuss my mental health
I realized hes a male doctor. I was already uncomfortable to talk about my issues, bow I feel even more uncomfortable talking to a male adult. I feel like he will tell me it's all in me head.
I'm hoping to get anti depressants
Ik m hoping that will help somewhat...
I do t want to go down this rode again, because if I do I might not come back from it
