Been feeling depressed..I think I'm going to start sleeping early..

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Why can't I comfort a love one?

Tonight I heard my parents arguing. I don't know what they were talking about, at the time I was watching. Anime when I heard a commotion in the living room.     From what I picked up it started about religion and then my mom was telling my dad how he wouldn't let her voice her thoughts without being put down by him. Which then continued with him interrupting her and basically telling her she was wrong. And after that I think my mom brought up an event in the past where she felt sad how my dad was able to confide with another lady rather than his wife. Who was this lady?       I'm not sure,,, in the end the argument escalated after that and my dad told mom that if she wanted to argue then they can do it in the bedroom. He then left to his room.
After that I tried to go back to my anime. My parents tend to fight more than half the time. So I figured this was another one of those moments...
  As I watched a third episode of my anime, I thought I heard sniffling noises. I turned off my volume and listened to my mom washing dishes and crying.
  At this point I new it was bad, and I had no Damon clue what to do.
  I knew that if I went up to her and insisted what was wrong she would cry even more and still not tell me what was happening.
  So I (shamelessly) left her be hoping that would be okay. I couldn't go back to my anime, I couldn't ignore her pain.
    So I just held on to froggy and hoped everything would be okay.
    I was mad that I couldn't even comfort my own mom. I hate how I didn't know what to do to make her feel better...usually my bro knew but he's no longer here....
And so it became darker 11 pm, and sis comes to my room telling me that mom was outside with the dogs just sitting in a chair in the corner and that dad got out of his room and turned the porch light off on her.
  I'm hoping that he didn't do this on purpose and genuinely didn't see her outside...because if he did...that's just low of him....
  And so finally I took the courage to go talk to her.
She was just sitting outside wrapped in a towel while sniffling.
    I asked her what she was doing.. and she said "I'm sleeping with the dogs like I'm suppose to"
   I asked her what was wrong but she didn't say... so instead of pushing I just stayed with her and played with the dogs.. getting her distracted
    In the end she came back inside but now she didn't want to sleep in my bed or my sis bed or the couch instead she slept in bros storage room on the ground.
   I tried to make her come to my room but she wouldn't budge so not knowing what else to do I told her that froggy was going to sleep with her.
   She wouldn't take him at first saying he would scare her at night but I persisted and it finally paid off.
  I know I should've done more and froggy doesn't seem as Much...but to me he's been there through my worst times...and although the pain never goes away forever, froggy (for me) tends to ease the pain a little.
I'm hoping that she can find a little comfort with him then me... and yes it is weird sleeping without froggy, actually it's scary...but for tonight I can manage being completely alone. For tonight mom needs him the most....

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Why is living so hard....

Nights are the worst.
My thoughts have succumbed to darkness once again.
And once their there they can never come back.
These negative thoughts of mine only achieve in making me feel hopeless in life.
I'm starting to panic and wishing for the easier way out...which scares me...
If I'm like this now, how will I be in the future?
Will I even have a future... ?

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