There are moments when I feel like I left my body and I'm just an observer from far away. It's strange because I look at the body I left behind and I don't feel anything at all
In a way the no feelings is quite peaceful...

Why must everyone disappear.....

Why do I do it too?

Why can't I be different?!
Why is it so hard for me to focus and grasp this information?!
Why is it so hard?!
Why must I give up so easily?
Why.....

Best friend

When it comes to having a best friend, I would consider my only friends my best friends. I wouldn't single out one individual really as the ONE best friend
Because in a way I always thought that with each friend I would be able to talk about  a specific topic more comfortably than what I would be able to do with the others...
But if I were to say who was my best friend I would probably have said the one girl who I probably shared the most to in my entire life. And although sometimes I would find myself uncomfortable with certain topics, somehow we still managed to get through. For some strange reason she listened to me and cared to know more about me even though I didn't understand why....and then I started feeling the same way, I always wanted to know more about her. See if she was okay, know her fears, and always try to make it better. I really see her as the closest of all my friends even with the distance and no communication. That doesn't matter to me, in the end she is a wonderful best friend.

Sick twisted mind

Moments like these, I really want run the blade over my bear arm...the only thing stopping from that is the fact that my sister would notice...the only way I can release is by staying in a smaller area...but even that isn't enough....

It's sad when

I always have to carry a blade with me...

I should disappear

There isn't anything left for me here. I no longer exsist. I should just make it official....

What is love?

I don't understand what it truly means to be in love. Their are moments when I wondered what it would feel like to be in love, would it feel nice? Would it hurt?
And then I ask myself was it love? Did I fall heads over heels or was it nothing?
Like is their guidelines one must follow? How do you determine you love someone? It's rather  confusing and I have no idea what I'm saying anymore.
I need to just shut up and leave

Why is this?!

Why must my mind keep replaying all those non exsistant possiblities?
Just stop!

Just realized that I started cutting in the beginning of 2010....so long ago...
I wish I could say I've changed into a better peep
But the reality is that although I don't do it as often and deep as I did before...I still tend to break my skin once in awhile...sigh

.

I want to talk
I can't seem to talk
I open my mouth
But no words will come out
I want to cry
But no tears will fall
I want to forget
But all the memories keep coming in
I want to be filled with hope
But the darkness is enclosing me
Soon I won't be nothing at all...

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I haven't cried recently. I don't give myself moments to do so...but just because I don't cry doesn't mean I stopped having my dark moments. Those are always there...sometimes I find myself wanting to write letters just in case... in case of what? I'm not sure...my mind wanders to dark places...places I wish I wouldn't go...