Doodles, my female guinea pig, died yesterday at night. Let me say it wasn't a pleasant thing to see....Before i went to bed I was going to feed the animals (i do this in the morning and at night), when i neared her cage to put her water she didnt squeal like the other times. She was just lying there and i thought she was just sleepy..i touched the cage and called her name..when she wasnt responding my heart broke...i knew what was wrong but i didnt want to believe it. I picked her up frantically calling her name over and over, but as soon as my warm hands met her cold still body i knew she was gone. Slowly i began to break even further... she was gone and i was never going to see her again. I couldnt crying. I screamed her name hoping for Doodles to answer back, my dad was in the kitchen asking what was wrong...all i could say was "Doodles..Doodles..". I was so concentrated in holding onto Doodles close to me that i never notice my bro's arm wrapped around me in comfort and with his other hand covering Doodles' face. He didnt want me to see her open eyes. My sister came too and together they tried to comfort me and told me many soothing words about Doodles being in guinea pig heaven in a grassy field eating as much as she can.
It was nice to hear that, but i felt guilty. I pead Doodles for forgiveness for being a bad owner and not taking great care of her.. for not cherishing the moments we had together more... my brother heard me and told me that it wasn't my fault, she was sick and it was just a matter of time....but that atleast she wasn't suffering from the tumor... she beat it once and once was enough...
Putting her in a boxwas a hard thing to do. I didnt want to let her go. I was still holding on to her but she was getting colder and colder. So then i decided to make the box warm with her bedding. I wanted to make sure that even after death she could be somewhat warm.. My bro fixed the box as i asked and then i gave her one final kiss goodbye as i layed her gently inside her bed. Putting her inside the box was easier than closing it. Tapping it down and writing her name on the box was even harder. I was breaking even more but i managed somehow.
What was even harder was taking her to the animal shelter's drop off (peeps say they bury the animals, i hope so). We wanted to bury her in our backyard but their are too many cats roaming around the neighborhood and we were afrais that they would disturb the grave and so we had no other choice but to take her there. Every light we came across i hoped for it to turn red (which they did) so i could have more time with Doodles. A part of me was wishing that i was dreaming and that Doodles was still in my house instead inside of this box lifeless. But as we neared closer to the shelter my wish shattered and at that point i knew i wasnt dreaming. i remeber gripping the box tighter not wanting to ever separate from it. but i had too. My brother was so nice in giving me patients. When i was ready, i gave the box to my bro. He asked me if i wanted to do it...but i just couldnt so i asked him to do it. If i were to do it it was going to be hard to let her go for sure. so he did it and it was harsh of me to give him that responsibility because wen he came back inside the car he was crying. I've never seen my bro cry...and so we left. My eyes never left the place where Doodles now layed in until the building was out of view... and so now as i write this i feel a little bit better but not entirely great..her cage reminds me of her absence...and i cant help but cry that she's gone. my precious Doodles. My lovely friend. ..i will never forget you Doodles. Never will i forget how you would squeal for attention, how you would let me scratch you underneath your chin, how you ran around my room leaving trails of poo behind (lolz), how you would let Dulce (doggie) lick your face, how you would somewhat let me take you a shower and brush/dry your hair, how you would let me fill your little face with so many kisses, and how you would look at me as i talked to to you as if you knew exactly what i was saying...im sorry Doodles but please remember that i have always loved you and i will continue to love you (even after death). Always...
