It's sad when

I always have to carry a blade with me...

Can't help hating my body

Just recently I started working out. I started jogging/walking on our machine and then I would do some small workouts for my arms and then I would do insanity with my sis. I wasn't planning on working out during summer break. It wasn't until I kept looking at one of my recent pics I took of me wearing a sleeveless shirt and then comparing It to other people's pics. I knew I shouldn't have done that because all it was lower my self esteem even more, yet I decided to do it. And of course I didn't like how I look. The day I went to the beach wearing a sleeveless shirt for the first time was a big step for me. I NEVER wear them in public. It's too embarrassing since my shoulders/ arms are hideously big. Well during that beach day I was panicking, I always thought someone was judging me even though they weren't. In the end I managed to spend the day happy. I forgot about my arms and I even let my sis take pics of me. Well the high for that day passed and soon my insecurities hit me back hard. And so now I continue to stare at my body/looks and I just can't help being disgusted with my own skin. I can't help wondering why I was born like this. And so I finally decided to start working out, hoping that one day I would look better and wear the clothes I always wanted to wear without feeling ugly. I know I shouldn't care about how I look but I just do....

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