Grandma

We just got the news that my grandma passed away....
We knew their was a chance she wouldn't wake up but we kept hearing that she was getting better
And then all of suddenly she was gone...
Last weak wen I first heard she wasn't waking up I cried so much, and the feeling of sadness was still there throughout the days.
But as I heard that she was starting to show signs of movement I thought their was still a chance even after having a dream of her funeral (which I never told anybody in fear that it might come true)....either way it did come true.
And yet why aren't I crying?
Wen I heard the news I felt the impact of those words I really did
But I didn't cry like last time.
Why arnt I crying?
I want to cry just for the fact that I'm not crying for her loss
I do feel something
But I don't feel the tears...and that feels like I'm the worst granddaughter in the world.....