There are moments when I start thinking that I might not have a long life ahead of me, any future really. I start thinking this and it makes me sad, which is ironic since I usually tend to think I don't deserve this life. And yet knowing this still gets me sad...I guess because I wish it wasn't true. I wish I could tell myself I mattered but all I can do is say the complete opposite of that. Going back to the possibility that I might not live long also brings me immense sadness. Knowing that I lived a meaningless life isn't the way I would want to go....but it might end up being the case....
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