Not a worthy friend...

My friends grandpa died last Thursday, I didn't find out till Saturday because that's when I finally txt him back about a book he lend me. And ever since he told me I haven't really talked to him as much or asked how's he's doing. He told me his family was getting together for a week to honor his grandfather, so I understand that right now he's busy and can't talk as much. Although when he does reply, I don't know what to say. From his texts he doesn't seem as upset but yet again texts are usually not concrete forms of evidence on how a person feels. I've been meaning to ask him if he truly is okay but I don't know how to bring it up. Honestly I don't know what I should do. I feel like I should be more focused about this rather than enjoying my books or other current pleasures of mine. I feel like such a bad friend for not being their for him...this sucks...I suck..

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im such a bad friend....

I shouldn't get depressed over this. I shouldn't try to blame them for making me feel this way. It is not his or their fault. I have to remind myself that they have a right to have other friends. I can't be selfish and try to keep them away from them. I shouldn't be selfish in trying to make them feel guilty. I really hate myself. I hate my feelings, my thoughts, my body, my everything. Just because I have no friends doesn't mean I should take that away from others. Sure it bloody hurts knowing that they have others when I just have them...but that's their right. And I shouldn't feel like this.
I shouldn't.
I wish I didn't.
But I do.....
Stupid me.