It's for the best

I shouldn't be selfish wen it comes to em
It's time for me to let go of something that never existed
It's for the best. 

Need to stop...not healthy

I need to stop this nonsense! I shouldn't be feeling this! Not anymore! I need to stop thinking of the past and live in the now. I decided to go down this road so I need to ably by it. Going back to memory lane doesn't help, it only hurts. It makes me regret things which I guess I shouldn't since I would do the same thing all over again. Maybe in another life everything would've been different. I would've been different...but that just a fantasy, sadly, this is reality. I'm sorry, I shouldn't make anymore harder... *sigh*
Never thought I would be in this position...

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2 years ago O.P (older post)

im feeling rather strange tonight.

it feels like a good strange. I feel actually happy. I feel hyper. I feel like doing anything crazy right about now….but also theirs this other ‘strange’ feeling bothering me somewhat…i can feel it there. Just behind the ‘Happy feeling’. It wants to suck me in to its negativity..and somewhat im afraid of falling back in…ima try hard not to.

_____________________________________________________
Can you guess what happened? That's right I fell back...

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Why do you keep coming back?!

It does me no good...

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Is it just me?

I feel like I made it difficult. It could've been so simple, but I just made it hard. It's hard to forget that sort of thing and replace it with another belief. I tried, or so I tell myself, to do better. There were moments when I just wanted to ignore them and yet I couldn't. They consumed my every thoughts. I really wanted it to work but it didn't. No matter what it will never work for me. Everything ends. Happiness with the same isn't allowed in my world..my mind...my being. In fact happiness isn't meant for me....

Night time is honesty time

I shouldn't ever converse during the night, I become an open book. For some this might seem like a good thing but to me it's just a bad thing. Once I start talking about my feelings, it's hard to shut me up. And once those feelings are out I might do something incredibly dumb that I will then regret in the morning. Although the night brings out the real person I wish to be, it also brings out the fears of what it could be...

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