Showing posts with label emotional. Show all posts
Showing posts with label emotional. Show all posts

Sunday, June 29, 2014

Drama

who would've thought I would have family drama. I mean I knew it was possible since it happens a lot within families but for some reason I just didn't think it would happen in my family. Not because I saw my family as perfect--on the contrary we are far from it--but I guess you could say It never really crossed my mind. In the end everyone has a sort of family drama and it's just the worst. My bro and sis have been fighting for quite some time now. It started off with my brothers girlfriend-->to how much he changed-->to suddenly moving out-->and then finally sis car problem. In no means am I trying to say it's his faults, I'm just trying to show the reasons why my sister started hating our brother. And I do mean hate, before today I was hoping they would reconcile and become close like they use to be...but it was a hopeless wish. After today I realized how much they detest each other. And honestly it gets me really sad. I won't go into details of what happened today because just thinking about it makes me want to burst into tears. Let me just tell you that it wasn't pretty. There was a lot of shouts, cussing, hitting doors, throwing stuff, threats, and almost close to someone getting hit. When this was happening I was in my room trying not listen to it. Listening to this was utter hell. As in it made me start crying. I don't like seeing my family arguing and going against each other. I hate how much hate they have one another. I can't say anything without the fear of being placed on someone's side. Im even fearing that something bad will happen. They have threaten each other and from what happened today, I feel like it might become true. I'm honestly scared of those two....and very sad...I told my sister that he was our only brother. I told her what would she do if I were to die before them? I told her that if my parents were gone as well that's really her only family left. She cannot hate him forever....but sadly she is determine to.....

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Sunday, June 1, 2014

Not my day

Today hasn't been great. I woke still feeling angry and sad. My mom came to my room asking if I wanted to go to the pulga. I told her no. She kept insisting and I just kept saying no,no,no. Then my sister said I had to wake up and go with them. She pulled my blanket off me and I screamed at her. They left me alone getting ready and once it was 1 o'clock they notice I wasn't getting up any time soon to eat. My mom kept asking what was wrong..at that point I didn't know what was wrong with me,  and I kept telling her nothing. Bro then came over and sat next to me on my bed. My back was to him and he as well knew something was wrong. He didn't ask like everybody else, instead he just talked randomly and tried to make me laugh...it was nice but at the same time It made me cry. So I cried so much and tried to hide it from him. I'm not sure if he noticed, if he did I'm glad he didn't mention it. That was the second time I accidentally cried for no reason in front of my bro. And no matter how much I tried to stop it became worse.
Then they left to the store. My eyes felt so tired and I didn't really felt like doing anything. I just walked around the house ate and then sat on the living room watching old movies. When they came back, I wasn't myself. I didn't really talk, just continued to stare at the tv. My family kept wondering what was wrong and I just didn't have an answer. And then I went back to my room and slept. I just barely woke up and I still feel like crying... and I still don't know why...


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Sunday, May 25, 2014

I'm sensitive to certain topics

Going to make it short.
Dad,sis, and me went to pick up my mom from the airport.
I was really happy to see her.
Once on the ride back home we started conversing.
The subject on our recent exercising was brought up.
Mom basically said I still looked fat...
She was trying to make a joke out of it but it still hurt. I tried so hard not to cry.
And finally when I thought it was over, the mention of me breaking the running machine was brought up as well.
Once again my weight problem came back.
It became so hard to hold back the tears.
When we came back home I was forced to eat something since I didn't eat anything today.
I wasn't hungry and now I just don't want to eat anymore....
Now everyone went to bed and I can finally cry myself to sleep...


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Monday, March 24, 2014

sinking

I have this tight feeling in my chest. Nothing physically hurts but emotionally it does. This sinking feeling is consuming me, I absolutely hate this feeling. This feeling of panic/fear/sadness, all three combinesd. I don't usually get them, and when I do they are just the worst. I feel like I can't breath, like any minute now I'm going to pass out. I hate this, I really really hate it.
Please make it go away...

Sunday, March 16, 2014

Horrible Night

Today I was forced to go to a party with my mom and sis. When I first got their I already hated it but it was at least bareable..but as the night progressed I started getting angry, then I started thinking all negative about peeps and me and after all those negativity/insecurities became too much I almost started crying in public. I never cry in public, so going through this emotional state was hard to control. I did it but whenever I went somewhere alone a tear would sneak out of my eye...it was a very long night...and wen I finally got home I just went outside and hanged out with the dogs just to take my mind off things. It helped a little...not a lot..but I guess dats something..