It's funny

I haven't talked to An this week, well technically he hasn't replied back. He's been busy with chem work and I just didn't want to disturb him so I decided not bother him. And yet I miss him. It's funny how one of my last posts I talked about ignoring people. I completely failed on that part. I can't ignore them forever because I end up missing them. I bet this is karma at its finest...it sucks. He's the only friend that talks to me, I can't let this friendship fade. I just can't. Without him I would definitely feel like I have no one...

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It hurts to know that i'm not important

    I'm not going to go into specifics about this...but I saw a post where it literally broke me. It didn't help that my sister rubbed it in. I'm pretty sure they didn't mean it like that and i'm probably (like always) making a big deal out of this...but the fact is that is still hurt seeing how unimportant I am. I already knew no one thought about me but seeing it is just another level of hurt....I never thought I would cry over something simple like that post, but I did. It cut deep....

It'll get better they say..Lies (College Life)

I talked about my College Life already, but I never throughly talked about my social life in College. I'm pretty sure since my last post you get the point that I have NO friends at all. A little bit more than a year and still I don't have anyone. I've been meaning to talk about this because honestly its been bothering me for quite some time now. Actually, every stinking day it feels like a jab to the heart whenever I see people talking/hanging out so freely with others. I hate it. And when I try to forget about it and try to not remind myself how miserable I am here, I see posts on social networks of others who are having fun in their college with their friends. I shouldn't be feeling jealous but I do. I can't help it. I envy them for having a friend or 2. I envy them for having the college experience, even if it means that they may have some troubles with others, I still envy that. I want that, I want to laugh with another person. Shoot I want to get angry with them when I think their being unreasonable!

I just want someone to acknowledge me here. I'm tired of feeling lonely and pathetic. I know I have my sister and she's my only friend here (she doesn't have friends either which I bet she understands this feeling too), but sometimes being with my sister can be too much (she even agrees). It would be nice to have a break once in awhile with someone else.

Sure I had study buddies, or talked to one classmate in a class but never do we hang out of class. The few times I asked other peeps numbers, we never hit it off. I feel like I'm bothering them and when I see them on fb I noticed they have peeps of their own already. And that's another thing, they already have a group of friends. I'm just an outcast that doesn't belong.....

I just wish my college life was better than this...

BFF is not always forever

They never last... It's sad how friendship from when we were young can break apart so easily....we were so innocent back then...and now we are not... A part of me wishes to go back to the old days...just a small tiny part...

Special Friend

   Tonight was a long one. I just finished Talking to my friend, Anderson. We talked for 3 and a half hours....soo long that we didn't even notice that it was already dark outside. We talked about so many things that could relate to anyone who worries about their future. It was a very nice and interesting conversation. So nice that it made me realize (as we talked) that I found that special friend I always wanted. I had him in front of me all this time but i never noticed until now. I remembered one of my diary entries from when i was a child ( 2/1/06); at that time i said "I hope later on I find  a truly friend that have the same in common & doesn't get annoy. i don't know if theirs a friend like that but i sure hope So. :(".
      Anderson also wants to become a vet but that's not the reason why i see him as a special friend. He's always making sure to keep in touch. He doesn't want to lose our friendship and is always txting me everyday even when i take days to answer him, he continues to literally blow up my cell. He shows me that he's still there for me even if i want it or not. And for some reason he wants to actually talk to me. It warms my heart knowing that he doesn't find me annoying (yet lol?). If i were little again, i would have never imagine that special friend to be a guy especially. This is the first time i ever had a close guy friend. And im sooo happy that he was the one. I feel so close to him, i dont want that to ever change. Im not interested in him like THAT (He's gay[which is not the point, but felt like pointing out]), i feel like i have another brother. One that i can talk about life in general. Although their r some stuff that i still havent told him about myself. Im afraid that if i do, he might see me differently and i dont want that.... but yet for some reason i wanna tell him so many things and i hope he can see how much he means to me. I love that fool a tons. He's part of my family like the rest of my closer friends. I hope we continue to be close as the days go by.