Decisions, decisions

I really want to hurt myself, I finally took out the blade I had...but I just keep placing it against my skin without actually making the cut. I imagine how good it will feel, and I really just want to slash away lines into my arm.  But the small reasonable self is telling me no... and also how will I be able to hide it this time...unless... ugh...no

One day ill end up killing myself

One day...

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Nagging voice

I keep thinking that I have no one. A voice inside my head keeps telling me that I can let go. That I have no one to hold me back therefore I should just get it over with. I know I shouldn't listen to that dark voice but sometimes it just feels like it's telling me the truth...

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Not my day

Today hasn't been great. I woke still feeling angry and sad. My mom came to my room asking if I wanted to go to the pulga. I told her no. She kept insisting and I just kept saying no,no,no. Then my sister said I had to wake up and go with them. She pulled my blanket off me and I screamed at her. They left me alone getting ready and once it was 1 o'clock they notice I wasn't getting up any time soon to eat. My mom kept asking what was wrong..at that point I didn't know what was wrong with me,  and I kept telling her nothing. Bro then came over and sat next to me on my bed. My back was to him and he as well knew something was wrong. He didn't ask like everybody else, instead he just talked randomly and tried to make me laugh...it was nice but at the same time It made me cry. So I cried so much and tried to hide it from him. I'm not sure if he noticed, if he did I'm glad he didn't mention it. That was the second time I accidentally cried for no reason in front of my bro. And no matter how much I tried to stop it became worse.
Then they left to the store. My eyes felt so tired and I didn't really felt like doing anything. I just walked around the house ate and then sat on the living room watching old movies. When they came back, I wasn't myself. I didn't really talk, just continued to stare at the tv. My family kept wondering what was wrong and I just didn't have an answer. And then I went back to my room and slept. I just barely woke up and I still feel like crying... and I still don't know why...

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Miserable

Is this seriously how my life is going to be?
If it is then what's the point of continuing?
Really, what is the point?

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