cant sleep again....

My head is just filled with so many thoughts, instead of an ex crush I'm having thoughts about my insecurities. Much worse....the negativity in my head is clouding up all the little positivity I had left. I can't find reason anymore...there is no worth in fighting....it will always win...I should just give up now and be done with it...

The Truth In Words Hurt

My sis got angry today and yelled at me. The things she said hurt me really bad.... It hurt because they were so true... their was a point in her yelling that I wanted to scream, "I WISH I WAS DEAD!"
I don't know how I managed to stop myself, I seriously felt my lips starting to form the words...and yet I stopped...now We aren't speaking to each other and I still want to cry. I don't want to study or do my ES take-home midterm...I just want to curl up and cry...and maybe even a little pain in the process just so I could feel more shitty about myself...i can't though...I guess ima just write about some other stuff to get distracted... i guess...