Sick twisted mind

Moments like these, I really want run the blade over my bear arm...the only thing stopping from that is the fact that my sister would notice...the only way I can release is by staying in a smaller area...but even that isn't enough....

I cry over everything

So bro came over and helped me take the dogs a shower (which also turned to a water war bt us). And later on I decided to take pixie for a walk, knowing that bro would tag along...but in the end it was too hot outside and bro decided to leave. And I decided to go cry in my room. I tried not to but knowing that I have no one who would want to just take a walk around my block later or just chill outside freaking sucks. It makes me cry... how stupid of me.

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Is it just me?

I feel like I made it difficult. It could've been so simple, but I just made it hard. It's hard to forget that sort of thing and replace it with another belief. I tried, or so I tell myself, to do better. There were moments when I just wanted to ignore them and yet I couldn't. They consumed my every thoughts. I really wanted it to work but it didn't. No matter what it will never work for me. Everything ends. Happiness with the same isn't allowed in my world..my mind...my being. In fact happiness isn't meant for me....

Scars

I have a bunch of tiny scars on my arm, chest, and wrist. Luckily they aren't noticeable, maybe if you knew what you were looking for and were to stare closely you will be able to see them. Thankfully no one has done that, so I don't have to worry about my family finding out about my past (sometimes present).
Although the scars are not visible for others--for me there as clear as words.
Every time I look at the area I can clearly see each little line. Since i'm the one who created them, i'm the only one that can see them...which is good...but at the same time for some messed up reason this makes me want to continue carving into my skin until theirs nothing left...

Labels

I hate them. They shouldn't exist. I really think It would have helped my way of thinking more positively in life ...but because they are there they only contributed in making me feel worse...
Stupid labels...

stupidity

I forgot how much a little scratch hurts.....now i need to distract myself before i do something incredibly stupid...