You were my first true friend. Before 8th grade I had people I thought were my friends, but they werent. It didn't matter to them when I left their group and that sucked....but then I realized it wasn't as bad because that's when I met you and J. I knew that in that point in time I met my true friends. I remember the times when we would call each other, and though half of the time we didn't know what to talk about we improvised with music. We would put our favorite songs on the phone and just listen to it together. And that was honestly wonderful.
And when A showed up, I remember being so jealous of her, because she knew you better than I did. I was afraid that you would leave me behind but you didnt. Soon I realized how great of a person my 'rival' was and I immediately hit it off with her.
We became quite  a group...
When middle school came to an end and high school began, I was sad to be separated from all of you guys. Mostly I felt our friendship starting to head in differ courses. With the meetings of new people in our lives I thought ours wouldn't make it...but it did. And along with that friendship, I started to feel something for you. Something that was new to me. You were my closest friend friend as well as my first constant crush. It was something strange but during those moments with you I really thought of you as something deeper...but then some time passed and I realized that It was just an obsession...though my crush for you left, my friendship for you never did. I still thought of you as the closest person in my life....
The reason I bring this up is because I miss us. I've been through so much with you, and now I feel like we no longer know each other. Sometimes I wonder if you remember me? Remember the close bond we use to have? Our friendship?
Do you miss it?
Because I do....

Need to stop...not healthy

I need to stop this nonsense! I shouldn't be feeling this! Not anymore! I need to stop thinking of the past and live in the now. I decided to go down this road so I need to ably by it. Going back to memory lane doesn't help, it only hurts. It makes me regret things which I guess I shouldn't since I would do the same thing all over again. Maybe in another life everything would've been different. I would've been different...but that just a fantasy, sadly, this is reality. I'm sorry, I shouldn't make anymore harder... *sigh*
Never thought I would be in this position...

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The pain Is always fresh

I still think about her. The memories never leave my mind, for which I'm glad....although every time I start thinking about her I truly start believing that she is okay. And yet every time I have to remind myself that she is gone. It never truly gets better, the pain is always there. It doesn't feel like months have passed, it honestly feels like just yesterday I held her for the last time........I really do miss her....

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Dulce

     Something else I want to talk about Is my Yorkie Dulce. I haven't talked about her on here, it's always hard to talk about her without crying. If you don't have an idea by now...she died. On September 28, 2013 to be precise; a week before my birthday...

    Losing her was really hard on our family. She was a big part of us. She slept with us, dined with us, followed  us...she was like another family member. And losing her was like losing another part of us. It left a hole in our house. Let's just say the house hasn't been the same without her...

    We don't cry anymore...but every time we talk about all the cute/funny/frustrating things she would do we would find our eyes tearing up with the happy memories. We know she's gone, but sometimes we find ourselves saying stuff like "Close the door before Dulce gets out" or when we enter the house our first immediate response is to call her name...but then we stop ourselves half way and have to remember that she's in a better place.

   But even so it's still hard... We miss her a lot. And it sucks, especially for sis and me, that we didn't get to see her for one last time....