Thoughts on New Years (warning: Negativity ahead)

So I just noticed that New Years is around the corner; I haven't thought about it. I know a bunch of peeps mention how its a new year to start fresh and start doing things differently than the year before that, but to me its just an extension to my negative-self. Last year my New years was actually horrible, I cried myself to sleep that time...I'm hoping that this time around i'll just let the day pass without worry...

To me, the New Year doesn't bring joy or hope. I know that 2014 isn't going to change anything. I'm still going to be same old me. I'm still going to do bad in school, be lazy, be negative, be lonely, be anti-social, be indecisive, and have negative thoughts. I guess you could say that instead of seeing the bright side of what a New Year can bring, I think about all the bad stuff i'm sure that's going to happen. I know I shouldn't be like this, but I can't help it. These negative thoughts have always been a part of me. I never think about the bright side or I never live in the now. I'm always thinking ahead of the bad stuff that can happen in my life. So to me New Years is just going to be the start of another bad year....

Night= Open

I'm not much of a 'talk about my feelings' kind of person. I mean when it comes to talking to someone about them I just can't. It's really hard of me to do. I grew up with a family that's close off when it comes to their feelings. We just keep quiet, so I've always been like that. Although their are moments when I really want to but just can't seem to speak. It's as if i'm tongue tied. So I just shut up and keep it to myself.

And yet somehow I'm really talkative and open during the night. It's weird, I just start yapping about my feelings. I may not do it with family but with friends I do. It's not like i'm doing it intentionally, its as if my once tongue tied problem is no longer tied up. Really, what is it about the Night that makes me so open when during the day I'm closed off as hell....