The Truth In Words Hurt

My sis got angry today and yelled at me. The things she said hurt me really bad.... It hurt because they were so true... their was a point in her yelling that I wanted to scream, "I WISH I WAS DEAD!"
I don't know how I managed to stop myself, I seriously felt my lips starting to form the words...and yet I stopped...now We aren't speaking to each other and I still want to cry. I don't want to study or do my ES take-home midterm...I just want to curl up and cry...and maybe even a little pain in the process just so I could feel more shitty about myself...i can't though...I guess ima just write about some other stuff to get distracted... i guess...

hang out

I don't usually go out and hang with friends. So the few times I get invited, I get really happy and excited....sometimes I don't end up going, so it literally breaks my heart...this might be the case for these invites :/

It'll get better they say..Lies (College Life)

I talked about my College Life already, but I never throughly talked about my social life in College. I'm pretty sure since my last post you get the point that I have NO friends at all. A little bit more than a year and still I don't have anyone. I've been meaning to talk about this because honestly its been bothering me for quite some time now. Actually, every stinking day it feels like a jab to the heart whenever I see people talking/hanging out so freely with others. I hate it. And when I try to forget about it and try to not remind myself how miserable I am here, I see posts on social networks of others who are having fun in their college with their friends. I shouldn't be feeling jealous but I do. I can't help it. I envy them for having a friend or 2. I envy them for having the college experience, even if it means that they may have some troubles with others, I still envy that. I want that, I want to laugh with another person. Shoot I want to get angry with them when I think their being unreasonable!

I just want someone to acknowledge me here. I'm tired of feeling lonely and pathetic. I know I have my sister and she's my only friend here (she doesn't have friends either which I bet she understands this feeling too), but sometimes being with my sister can be too much (she even agrees). It would be nice to have a break once in awhile with someone else.

Sure I had study buddies, or talked to one classmate in a class but never do we hang out of class. The few times I asked other peeps numbers, we never hit it off. I feel like I'm bothering them and when I see them on fb I noticed they have peeps of their own already. And that's another thing, they already have a group of friends. I'm just an outcast that doesn't belong.....

I just wish my college life was better than this...