Early non-sense

Can't sleep.

Nothing new there.

I hate myself, I want to delete myself, I want to cry myself to sleep, I want to cut myself, I want to drown myself, I want to yell at myself, I want to hang myself, I want to slap myself, I want to break myself, I want to push myself onto on moving traffic, I want to drug myself, I want to disappoint myself, I want to not care for myself, I want to forget myself

I want to kill myself and let go of all these worries....


so easy to say than actually do...

There are moments when I feel like I left my body and I'm just an observer from far away. It's strange because I look at the body I left behind and I don't feel anything at all
In a way the no feelings is quite peaceful...

Lately i've been feeling under the weather; i've gotten lazier, my energy is literally no where up to speed. There are moments when I want to do something like paint, draw, or write...but just as soon as I get excited t my little energy leaves me and once again im faced with utter tiredness and depression. All I want to do is lay somewhere and either stare at something without thinking or just sleep. I hate this feeling. I wish I had friends I could hang out with. I'm tired of being lonely and not experiencing the fun of the outside world with other people...I just don't want to be tired anymore....

It's funny

I haven't talked to An this week, well technically he hasn't replied back. He's been busy with chem work and I just didn't want to disturb him so I decided not bother him. And yet I miss him. It's funny how one of my last posts I talked about ignoring people. I completely failed on that part. I can't ignore them forever because I end up missing them. I bet this is karma at its finest...it sucks. He's the only friend that talks to me, I can't let this friendship fade. I just can't. Without him I would definitely feel like I have no one...

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Trying to sleep earlier but it's near impossible

Like always my thoughts are all over the place. My head feels like it's about to explode, literally. I'm starting to have a major headache and tossing & turning won't help one bit. As well I'm having this feeling of wanting to kiss someone and just cuddle. Am I the only one who gets these random feelings? Don't tell my I'm sexually frustrated -__-
That would be too funny.
Any who I don't know why I started feeling this way, maybe my thoughts taking me to places that don't exists?
I'm even feeling the need to bite someone...it's been a very long time since I did that...
Oh great....what has become of me...
Well I shouldn't be surprised right self?
Ugh!! Liz go to sleep!!

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Suddenly....

My mood shifts every second...I can never stay in one mood...earlier I was talking about my obsession over yaoi...and just now I was about to go to bed...but before doing that I decided to go online to my other accounts (which I Know I shouldn't do) and then my thoughts started to consume me....now the thought calmed a bit but now my problem is that I kept pacing back and forth thinking about where I can find a blade...and then I realized my art class made us by a blade--which we never used... so now in getting "itchy". I really want to go get one and get it over with....but my other self is against it...ugh...so for now I just decided to drown a cup of vodka hoping ill forgot about the blades...didn't help really...since I can't get carry away and also because I hate the taste..ha.....

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Stressed

I'm so nervous that I'm starting to stress out. I'm tired but at the same time I can't fall asleep because of these worrisome thoughts. I feel bile rising from the pit of my stomach, I don't know what to do to calm myself  down. Am I over reacting?

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I'm tired of thinking about others. I know it's selfish of me to say this but honestly I don't care right now. The more I think about a friend, the more it hurts me...I wish I wasn't like that but I am...