12.2 | 12.13

I wasn't able to talk about this as much as I hoped... my words became chiberish, making no sense at all, and when I thought I knew what to say I would forget... so here I am trying to make up for that little/to no talk we had...I find it easier for me to write it down then saying it..it might not be much buts its something...so here it goes.

First off I want to say that when I was handed these letters a big part of me was dreading it. Even though I acted all cool about it--in the inside I, honestly, wanted to forget about it. I was entirely afraid of what I would read, and I don't know why...

Secondly, I'm sorry that my drawing of him affected you like that. I knew it was going to make you cry but my intention was never to make you hurt that bad. I apologize and I promise I won't do it again. At the time (like I mentioned before), I already had something planned and I just thought that this was something right to do...I'm glad you liked it but, like I promised, this will be the last time.

Thirdly I'm glad that your happy with him. I kind of didn't like him (from what you told me before), but it is not my right to judge him from his past behaviors. From what I've seen on tumblr (yeah I noticed, I just don't mention it), i can tell how much you like him. I'm glad that your happy, that's all I ever wanted.

Fourthly I'm tired of hearing you say "sorry". It's a bit frustrating, not because I don't believe you but because I do. That doesn't really make sense...let me try to clarify. You honestly believe that you should be apologizing. You shouldn't. I should, but I won't...I wish I could, actually I probably already did in my other past posts, but now i'm just gonna stop. I wish I could apologize for Hurting you but like you said it wouldn't have gone much longer. I do feel like you tried, you tried to work it out for both of us. I wasn't the one who tried at all. If we were to rewind time it would've been the same thing over and over again. I would still break up with you because i'm a coward. A coward to my own feelings. The feelings I get scares me and my natural response is to hide it. I don't try to acknowledge them...Instead I try to ignore them. That's just me. I wish I wasn't like that.. but I just am. Between us, you tried harder than I did. Shoot, I didn't bothered trying. I took the easy way out. So i'm not going to apologize because I've grown tired of saying it... Sorry isn't enough of a word to tell you how much I wish it didn't went down like this.

Fifthly The jealous part...kind of lied..I was jealous of him for other reasons...like I said earlier, feelings can be a bit tricky to deal with. They just come and go without asking permission. I'm choosing to ignore them. With time it will get better.

Hey I'm really glad your happy :)