11/14/08

Dear Diary,

Its been a long time since i've written in my diary. Hella years i would say. I believe i was 11 or 12 yrs old since i last written to you. I am 14 and attend EHS---WHICH SUCKS! to tell ya the truth. I wish i could change the past and attend weber with my other friends: Jessica, Guada, and Vanessa. I know it doesnt seem a lot but for me it is. I dont know if it's me or the school -probably me- but i dont seem to care about my school work that much. I feel like a dumb girl surrounded by smart people, i feel unwanted. I hid my progress report from my parents -which i know is wrong- i didnt want to disappoint them. They had so much confidence in me but i failed them... i dont like EHS!!! I hate it!!

I want to change to weber but what happens if its much worse than i imagined? I hope not... but other than that i want to get out of EHS. I hang out during lunch with one person, Bianca. My mom's best friends' daughter. Bianca and me have the same classes except for 2pd & 6pd. Well yeah, me and her hand out all the time. I guess you can say we have one another. But my fear is that if she is sick one day im going to be alone in lunch.

Oh also im falling in love with characters from my books (fantasy/horror/romance) espeacially from the twilight saga. It's the MOST AWESOME book ever! Well yeah i'm in love with the main character Edward. He's a gentlement and also Emmett, the strong funny person, oh and Jacob, impatient, cute hardworking person. The funny thing is that Edward and Emmett are Vampires (good) and Jacob is a werewolf (good too). I know i'm young and all but i wonder if im ever going to find a gentlement that will love me for who i am and that i will love; but he has to treat me with kindness and he has to be quite funny. Or at least cute, smart, and hardworking, i guess looks shouldnt matter, the only thing that matters is that he cares/ loves me. And vice versa. I keep having dreams of how i may fall in love or about how I want my life to be...Anywho i've been depressed like always, i feel like dying sometimes. My life isnt fun or important. I want to be something awesome in life....like a hero or something but that's only in fairytales...anyways i dont want myfamily to suffer with my death. I just start saying crap but never really mean it cause it would be a scary expierence. So im excited about twilight being released into theatres in Nov. 21 (a friday). A week from now!! I've seen the trailers, i actually cried! IM SO EXCITED!! ahahahahaha!!! Well it's time to go to bed. I'll try to write as soon as possible. I might need someone to talk to even though they arent real. Peace.

Comment: I still dont like my High school but its my last year there and im scared about college now D: ..anyway Bianca is an awesome friend! sadly though she moved and wasnt with me in sophmore yr. I hanged out with another friend but sometimes i would be alone during lunch trying not to cry.... But now i hang out with more peeps and their fun!... sooo as u can see i got obsessed with Twilight. I am still (somewhat) and I perfer Emmett than the other two :D lolz. Thanks to twilight i started to be a book worm. I love it....back then i was depressed and i still am today... i still debate about death..but i still wont do it....because i dont want others to suffer... oh and im watching breaking dawn tommorrow!!! xD EXCITED!! Ps. i misspelled a lot!!