5/04/09

Dear Diary,

Hi again! i couldnt sleep until i talked to someone about how i'm feeling right now. In this case i need to talk to you before i go to sleep. Tonight has been a sad night, you see, i like to read supernatural books, espeacially vampires, so i go to chavez library to get books every week. Well yea, i got this book about witch craft [a religon called Wicca]; its white witch. It's not a devil-worshiping or any sort of evil thing like that. It's more like a nice energy flow kind of thing. Well yeah, i told my mom about it which she told everyone else in the family. My brother sounded disappointed in me, my mom & dad were being sarcastic & also worried that i might be doing that. My sis didnt say anything...well the thing is i really am interested in this religion. I know im catholic and all but that doesnt mean im going to give that away. You see, i believe that doing wicca will give me a postive energy in me (aka BYE DEPRESSION!) but with all the disappointment in this house i have to say bye to wicca. I havent even finished reading the book and its really interesting! even so i can no longer disappoint my family. So ima have to do what they say is right for me :/ Ima give my best in my studies to make them proud.

I dont understand why im crying right now. I seriously thought that studing wicca will give me a positive energy in life and change my character into something else better for my parents. Or maybe its because im soo depressed all the time that i thought wicca will be able to help me with that problem. I guess i was wrong... I cant seem to stop crying..i just hope to make my family proud of me...and i really want to be succesful in my own life. so please, help not be depressed.. NO MORE!! Diary im waiting for this depression to go away anytime soon. but it never has... I HATE MYSELF!!

Comment: back then i was depressed... sad to know that that might never change...anywho, i never did do Wicca... but im okay with it now.. i doubt that would've really helped me.. i still dont want to disappoint my family..but i am somewhat.. i've been doing worse in school now... i'll try to fix it i guess... oh and i still kind of hate myself...